Decisions as a Daddy

I think we're all a little concerned about how the FH makes his way into the world of the FD....it's not that I've ever questioned for one second if he'd be a Fantastic Daddy - this I knew would be true...it was more a matter of how difficult it would be for him to be that FD. Yesterday he made a decision that had him up a dozen levels on the FH and the FD column.

I have mentioned his trips in the past- he has two big business cycles a year where there is a lot of travel involved. One is in March/April for a couple of weeks and the other is the month of July. The first trip of July would have had him leave tonight and not coming home until the following Monday - that's 9 days. My feeling on this multi-destination 9 day voyage was as long as the doctor didn't see any progress and as long as he was a direct flight from a major hub away I was okay. I didn't like it. I didn't like the idea of being alone those 9 days, or the idea that I could start going into labor and not have my best friend there to support me (I know I would have had a ton of other people around me to support me...but no matter how great, they wouldn't have filled his shoes), and I really didn't like the idea that something could happen and he'd miss this. I knew it was unlikely so I said "you've got to make your own decisions about this....it's your call because at the end of the day I'll be here for every minute no matter what, you do what you think is best for your family....if that's going on the road to make money, etc that's fine...it needs to be your call."

I thought he'd go. I didn't want him to. I was okay with him going. But I thought he'd go. And then yesterday he said something like this to me: I'm not going. I can't miss this. I know that I'd probably make it back for the actual birth but I can't handle the idea of leaving you to do this alone. You're my best friend and the idea that I could leave you to deal by yourself just isn't okay with me. So I'm not going.

Of course I cried because I cry at everything. I don't say enough good things here sometimes...it's too easy to complain and humorize negative situations to such a supportive audience. But I have to say this - yesterday when he said that to me I felt the most special I've felt in my entire life. More special then the day of our wedding, or the day we were engaged or any day before or after. He's staying because he wants to be there for me. Me.

Why I no longer have arm hair

Before I start this post you should know that I am fine, the baby is fine, and the cats are fine.

Last night around 7:50 I started making dinner - the FH had played golf with his Dad that evening and was running a little late and I had thrown myself on the couch because I had a long day of running around after Doctors and lunch out with the FH and shoe shopping. I had some chicken that needed to be grilled and I thought that rather then being lazy and using the grill pan on the stove I would actually go outside and use the grill. So I put the cats in their cat playpen outside and I attempt to start the grill. When I put the long stick lighter next to the grill to light it up and I click the button a fire ball happens - it was less then one second and it was more shocking then scary and it didn't hurt or anything. But I look around and I realize that all my arm hair has been singed off. And the smell of burnt hair is heavy in the humid air - ewww and gross.

I look down and the belly is unharmed and she's still kicking so everything is okay on that end. Phew.

Being vain the next thing I think of is my eyebrows because HOW awful would that be if I no longer had eyebrows and every picture of me with our new baby would feature me sans eyebrows....luckily they were still in place on my head needing a good wax but at least they were there. Needless to say that was the last grilling experience for a while - I'll be using the grill pan moving forward.

So I won't be grilling this July 4th - but I will be enjoying a turkey hot dog and I'm hoping to whip up some Pasta Salad and enjoy the time with the FH. Hope you have a great day and take a minute to appreciate these freedoms we have and think of those people that have given their lives for these freedoms.

Random Thoughts

Being alone in my head without an Outlook Inbox indicator dinging frequently is a completely new experience. I did not check e-mail yesterday. At all. This was the first day that has happened in a very long time. We're talking YEARS. Even while on vacation I checked, Christmas I checked, days I was so sick I couldn't peel myself off of the bathroom floor I checked. Here are a smattering of marinating thoughts in my head:

• If only pregnancy was like it is on the soap opera's. They're pregnant for like FIVE episodes. On the down side they never know who the Daddy is...and sometimes the Mommy is in question too. That drama would be intense.
• Why are my hands so swollen in the morning? Am I sleeping on them in a certain way that is having them puff up like little baby marshmallows are lining each finger?
• There's a lot of thought about going to the Outlets...we could use new towels, but the ones we have aren't yet in the grandparent category (am I the only one that has grandparents that don't believe that towels have a lifespan? I swear that they might have towels that are double my age.) but then I think about What if's. What if it's hot, what if it's too much for me, what if, what if, what if.
  
• I only have a handful of things left to do on my BIG to do list. I'm not sure what I will do with myself once that is done.
• The FH has some travel to do in the next week. It's all major hubs and if anything "started" to happen then he could be home within a couple of hours and I'd much rather have him go and feel useful and make money then stay at home and stare at me while I remain very pregnant. I also don't want to be alone. This is going to sound awful but I really don't want to invite a family member to stay with me because it's too much to spend ALL day with someone but I would like for someone to come home and have dinner with me and watch tv with me at night. What I really need is a gay rent a role husband. I live near the city you think there is someone I can borrow?
  

The hope has died

A while ago I mentioned that I had many many dreams where this same women in an eggplant colored dress would sit next to me in various settings and say "You're having a baby in June?" and I would say "No, I'm having a baby in July" and she would say "No, you misunderstand, You are having a baby in June."

Sadly I clung to this dream - I looked at it as a vision. It's now 9pm on June 30th. Given that most first time births take many many hours I think it's safe to say that the hope is dead. June baby she will not be. I am sad for this. I'm also not. I'm also grateful that she wants to stay just the two of us for another night...even though she kicks the hell out of me - rearranges organs at will and causes me to go the bathroom no less then 15 times in 9 hours.

Tomorrow, however, would be a perfectly fine birthday. As would any day from July 1st to July 15th.

Can I get a witness?

I have no idea why that line is in my head but it is so I'm going with it.

I had a post up briefly yesterday about the child birth class. After re-reading it in publish status I realized it was... ummmm... well harsh and had a few too many F curses....this is only mildly hilarious because I had a list (insert eye-roll) of posts that I wanted to write while I had time to write and one of them was about how I wanted to stop cursing....I'm no truck driver mind you - but I could make you blush. So I've replaced every instance of the F curse with the word fire truck.

So here's the amended story:
There are two versions of this story. Mine and His. Let's take a look at both for comedic value.

His: That fire trucking class sucked. It was a giant waste of time. You always do this. You PUNISH me and make me participate in this shit - a whole Sunday. Wasted. Gone. Forever. Put this on repeat about 500,000 times and add in 6 more for good measure and that is what I heard.

Mine: I wanted my husband to want to go to the Child Birth Preparedness Class. I wanted him to show excitement about this piece that we could do together. The thing about pregnancy is it's kind of a one person job. Sure, a man can be supportive but at the end of the day it's me that's waking up every hour to pee because the little girl has dropped directly on to my bladder. If the class sucked, at least it would be one thing that we did together that sucked together for this pregnancy.

Pregnancy is not a vacation in Tahiti. You get this amazing gift at the end of it and it all evens out so that you even consider doing it again but Pregnancy is NOT a vacation in Tahiti. And so when I say I've been going through "this" alone doesn't mean that I am psychically or emotionally alone it means that my husband doesn't have a parasite in him changing his moods, his physical appearance or his emotional responses. So yeah I think that entitles me to be a little "unfair".

The FH really truly deeply did not want to attend the class...he's an "active" learner aka sitting in a classroom is like sending a kid with no toys to his room. I knew that he didn't want to go. I didn't care. I wanted him to go and that should have been enough. So we go.

So we go to the class this morning and we're running like five minutes late - which is the kind of thing that triggers my anxiety. I am not late. EVER. I hate lateness. Being late makes me crazy. The FH thrives for lateness. On time is for other people. We get there late and we sit down - honestly this auditorium hasn't seen a fresh coat of paint or chairs since about 1952. Not a comfy hospital auditorium alla Grey's Anatomy or House my friends. Not even freaking close. So we see the instructor and she hands out the materials and she is perfectly nice. And you should know that I'm not a judgemental person.

Except for when I am. Like now. (insert cute giggle) Honestly this person is probably the very best L&D nurse and I'd be very lucky to have her when we go to the hospital but eloquent, funny, appropriate speaker she is not. Have you been to Staten Island? Okay, if you haven't think of EVERY stereotype you've EVER heard about New Yorkers and then pile it on top of one another and put on some bad lipstick. And then there was the slide projector. And honest to goodness these slides were from 1978 and I'm be generous with that date. SLIDES? Seriously SLIDES? I mean I would have killed a power point presentation because that is SO 1998 but SLIDES. SLIDES.

So this is when the FH starts to complain and he is a WORLD class complainer. I try to act all "this isn't so bad" because the truth is I am learning stuff that I didn't know. Like WHEN they will admit me vs when they will send me home and this seems like good information considering we live 35 minutes from the hospital and driving back and forth isn't fun when I'm not in labor and the FH will be driving and sweet jebus that's enough to make me want to pull a bobby pin out of my hair and stab it in my eyeballs. So I am learning. But it sucks. It does suck. I mentioned the slides.

A lot of what makes a classroom suck are the other people in your class. This has been true since Kindergarten. If you have the funny kid in your class it will be much much better then if you say have the girl that asks a LOT of questions (for the record I was at times of my life that girl, hate on haters). So in our class we had two women from Yonkers (pronounced Yaaaaank - errrrrs) that had the MOST outrageous and rediculous questions EVER. Honestly I wanted to throw my copy of What to Expect at her head in hopes that something would fall out of the book and give her a clue. Oh yeah, that judgmental thing...a complete lie. Then we had Indian couple that literally made out and whispered in each others ears the entire time. It made me think that either they have no idea who the other person was 9 months ago and so this is really "new" love or they were never told about the No Drinking policy they institute on us Preggo's. That also applies to getting high. Now the FH was whispering but not sweet nothings my friends...his whispers were mostly curse words littered with "I can't believe ". Then we had a guy that whispered questions to the nurse. And they were like: Will we get a birth certificate? and What is your stance on circumcision? or What am I supposed to do when....?

The only part of the day that I actually WANTED to participate in was the tour. But at 3pm I had enough of fending off the FH's barbs and complaints and decided that this sugar cookie just wasn't worth it. So we left. I feel bad that we left but seriously I had enough - the two year old that lives in my husband wore me down until I was a sobbing mess on the way home because HONEST to GOD WHO behaves like that? Who doesn't GET that this sucks for everyone? WHO doesn't see that I needed us to do something, ANYTHING, just ONE FIRE TRUCKING THING together so that I felt like I was part of a team going into this last couple of weeks? I can tell you who. My flipping husband. That's who.

So my message is this: If your husband doesn't want to go to the class just don't fire trucking bother. It won't be worth it. Go and take the $185 and get a massage and a pedicure and call it done.