Making my mother cringe.

Some posts I opt not to write because I know the pain in which my mother and grandmother will be in when they read it - the pain will be caused from cringing and wincing. There will be a few "Cassandra Elizabeth's" uttered. It's Saturday, it's a slow day and chances are you'll skim.

Today at 10am we are to arrive at the hospital for some tests - if "everything" is looking "favorable" then we "might" start some pitocin and get to introduce Lexi. Let's talk about the words in quotation marks.

What is "everything" exactly? I'm not sure - it's for sure not about my state of mind, or peoples desire to meet her, or how the FH wants to be in LA on Monday - so that leaves action in the va-ja-ja arena (insert wince 1).

What is "favorable"? Now this is just a hunch but I bet my doctor has something on his calendar that he doesn't want to be completely available for so if he's received appropriate threats/bribes from his wife then things will not be favorable and alla no baby - on the other hand we could assume that he's following ethics codes and what not and that the level of favorable has to do on action in the va-ja-ja arena (insert wince 2).

Now this last word "might" is all on me. I'm not an au natural kind of girl - I've dyed my hair since I was 13 and finally convinced my mom that I could do it that one time, I believe in drugs (if god made the person that made the drugs possible that's as close to home made as I need), the pleasure in biting into a 3 Musketeers bar is not lost on me because it has an extended shelf life. The thing is this: in my head I thought she'd come out on her own. I thought she'd want to join this party as soon as she was cooked...I mean we have LOTS of Ralph Lauren little dresses to wear here - what's to hold out on? My boobs could not POSSIBLY (wince 3) be any bigger, these bitches are ready to work (wince 4 for use of the word bitches when referring to ones body parts). So maybe she's just one of those babies that is not about signaling to my brain that she's ready - maybe we have a shotty connection and her signal is just not coming through. So WHEN they determine if "everything" is "favorable" and IF they say that she isn't looking packed and ready to go on her own THEN we will start things going. But IF she's packing and she could really come on her own, say tomorrow, THEN I will give her the day because I really want her to want to come out. Of course I've wanted that for WEEKS. Either way, Monday my love, is eviction day. No more Mrs. Nice Guy.K

Knowing that this could be my last morning without baby has me thinking lots of things. Like what do I wear? I know, it's like the first day of school all over again. You know that book that has something to do with wearing Lipstick to a Mastectomy. Well I think I am going to write one about wearing a Thong to my Induction (if that happens today) (wince 5). Here's the thing about maternity underwear - it's big. There I said it. I've been an exclusive thong wearer for a long long time and while I have purchased the big undies (wince 6) and I've worn them a few times and I know I'll be wearing them post delivery I just can't like them. I can't feel like me wearing my mothers panties (wince 7 and 8 for use of the word panties and for saying that my mom wears em) it's just not possible. Want an embarrassing thong story? This is good and I don't know if some of the people that are actually involved in this story KNOW that I KNOW about this happening (wince 9-30).

When I first moved to Westchester I lived in an apartment that did not have laundry - the FH's mother (not yet the MIL) was kind enough to let me do laundry at there house when the timing worked out. At the time I think both the brother in law The Bird and the FH were living in the house too. Apparently I failed to double check the washer and dryer to ensure that I had EVERYTHING and of course what was left was a skimpy thong (wince 31) - there are grades of thongs am I right? Thongs that are more appropriate and thongs that are, well, ummm, not. This was in the not category (wince 32). The FH's mom found the thong and apparently started asking The Bird if his then girlfriend (who was much trashier and less wholesome then me) had left these "incidentals". From the fish story (lets face it the FH can make anchovies full size pacific rim salmon) that the FH shared with me the thong was then left in the kitchen where he was then asked if "This is what the girls today are wearing?" There was LOTS of conversation in the house about the thong and the FH eventually pocketed the evidence. When he brought it over to my apartment I remember rolling on the floor in utter embarassment as he told the story and about how the entire family had not only seen my thong, but had discussed it, wahhhh. The lesson here is make sure to double check for "incidentals". (wince 33)

Would have been perfect if my water broke

I somehow can get myself into situations. It's a gift of some kind. This morning I decide that I will read outside on the deck for a while because I really don't want to work on the stuff the FH wants me to work on. So I lock the front screen door so that we keep the nice humid free breeze going through the house, grab the phone, put the cats in the cat playpen, grab my book and the bottle of water and I go outside. I slide the sliding door shut and I hear it - the click. The click that says that the white checkerbox insert has snapped out of place making it impossible to open the door.

Naturally I laugh. I call the FH to see if he has any suggestions because sometimes I just ignore the obvious and go right to the most difficult. He's got nothing and is irritated that I could be so irresponsible. I didn't think I was being irresponsible for the record - locking the front screen door seemed like the responsible thing to do. And I had no idea that white insert thing was going to pop out. But whatever. Have I mentioned how much I love MacGyver?

So I gather up the available tools (a garden trowel, a rusty pair of grill tongs, a candle - now MacGyver could build a bomb with this - I just need to open the door) I have on the deck and I manage to wedge the door open enough to break apart the white insert thing to get the door open a reasonable amount. What's reasonable you ask:That's more then enough room for me normally. But we are not in normal times. We're SUPER pregnant. Lets take a look at the Belleh for a moment so that the issue is more obvious:

And there you go - there you have it. Clearly I am not fitting through that doorway - no way, no how. Unless of course I break the white grid into pieces by sticking my arms through the door opening and breaking them with my bare hands.

Which for some reason seems like a good idea. So, this is what happened:








And there you have it. How I was stuck outside of my own home for about an hour today....now this would be a perfect story if my water broke. Alas, it did not.

Canteloupe Island and the Library

I'm respectful of Due Dates in all aspects of my life. I'm a manager of people, things, events and tasks. It's just who I am....every single job/role I've ever held has me in this position because I love it. I love tasks and due dates and lists and check boxes. I also love pancakes. I respect Due Dates- I'm always on time with library books, because there is a reason they are "due" and there must be order. Project plans are to be followed. If we go way back to when I first went to the doctor they said that I was DUE today. July 25th, 2008 - DUE DATE. But do you think I'll be having this lovely little girl today. No, I don't either. She's so going to be her father's child. She'll probably start to show signs of showing up tonight and be JUST slightly late. The kind of late that you couldn't possibly have a good excuse for. That's the kind of late the FH loves to be. Late enough so that you know that he's more important then your 15 minutes....can you tell I have some issues with this? Yaha.

This is kind of crazy - July 26th is my Brother in Law aka The Bird's birthday, it also happens to be Uncle Bob's birthday. Now Uncle Bob was 28 when The Bird was born on his birthday - guess how old The Bird will be tomorrow? 28. Crazy, right? So Lexi may be sharing her day with other special people in her life - and I kinda like that.

Chris over at Rude Cactus had a fantastic question in his Weeklies today it was/is: You must choose one song that epitomizes you. What song is it? And why?

Well I don't follow directions very well because I picked two. But I wanted to share with you one of them Canteloupe Island, do you know this song? Are you able to listen to this without bobbing or shaking part of your body? If yes, I ask how? I can't sit still through this song and Lexi loves it too - she shimmy's and kicks a rib when this song is on every-single-time. Do you think this will continue when she's born? When I play this she'll start to shimmy shake? I like that idea very much.

And for those that don't follow the Twitter over in the side bar a brief update on doctor visit #512. No change really. Tomorrow (yes, Saturday) I go to the hospital at 10am for a stress test and if things are "favorable" and all I would need is Pitocin to get this process rolling then we will be starting that. If things are still not "favorable" then I go back to the doctor on Monday for more decisions. Again, I mention that she is DUE so anything could happen.

And Finally I'm being held hostage by the windshield repair people. The FH has some kind of magnetic ability to crack windshields in the Saab so I am waiting from 9-3 or until they show up for the repaire to take place. Wah.

On your mark, GET SET...

Confession:  For the past 4 weeks when I go to the doctor I go READY to GO.  What is ready to go?  My hospital bags are in the car, my glasses are in my purse along with an empty contact case, the camera batteries are fully charged and packed, the bed is made, the cats are given extra dry food, the house is clean, the dishes are put away.  Ready to GO.

Controlling that piece of it made me feel "better" but not today my friends.  Today I've decided I'm living on the edge (cue Aerosmith video and am I the only one that didn't remember that S. Tyler grabbed his naked crotch at the beginning of this video?).  This doesn't mean that all those things aren't done...most of them are....I didn't lose my mind after all and I'm still technically crazy.  I didn't pack my glasses or contact case, or charge the camera batteries (I packed the charger), and I didn't leave extra food for the cats (I left a key hidden for Pocklock if necessary).  I know, edgy, right?  

Observation: The NYSEG truck has just driven around our cul-de-sac for the fourth time.  Interesting that energy consumption isn't top of mind for him.

And What if you're still pregnant?  You ask.  How will you keep yourself from breaking down into a heap of tissue when you get in the parking lot like you have the three previous visits?  I have stuff to do.  Like download the new Sugarland CD, the Counting Crows CD, Listen to more of Brooke Fraiser to see if it's worth the buy and I'm going to make some more pickles because those turned out REALLY yummy - this time I'm making dill.  I've got some stuff to do to help out the FH which is actually interesting as opposed to annoying so I will actually do that without procrastinating.  I'm making chicken salad for dinner tonight with fresh potato chips and ice cream sundaes with strawberry sauce for dessert.  I also have a LOT of work to do on the DVR and sitcoms to find to record (hello, who doesn't want to watch Wings while they are breastfeeding?  Joe Hackett = HOT).  So if it's not today Lexi that's okay.  I've got stuff going on to you know....

The Thrill of Running Red Lights

I've been holding out on you all regarding a touchy subject lately. The FH was supposed to travel this week. We'd been disagreeing about if it was appropriate for him to go....he really needed to go for work - being a business owner means that your shoes aren't really fillable by someone else - especially when you don't have employees that do an even similar role. He had decided not to go because that was the right thing to do and for once in my life I admitted that I needed him....that I was too afraid to be alone. I'm not a big "needer". I like to think I'm pretty independent so this got some attnetion. The decision was not an easy one for him though and he wasn't exactly "happy go lucky" the past few days because really she could hold out on us for another week and he would have lost this opportunity.

Yesterday was a great day for me - I had some Chicken & Brocoli for dinner and after having the same "get over not being there" conversation with the FH I decided it was bedtime around 9. I have a very active child - she participates in the Womb olympics every single evening between 7-10:30 - it's not a sporatic kick here and there - it's constant movement and spinning and stretching for those hours....I'm not even exaggerating. So when I went up to bed around 9ish and I was laying down I had a huge heart drop when I realized that I hadn't felt Lexi move. I hadn't felt her move in a while....like hours...and I felt sick to my stomach because I was so distracted by other things that I didn't realize my Olympian wasn't training. So I get quiet, drink some water and lay down on the bed and I start to push around the belly and try to count kicks - for 40 minutes. Nada. Not a kick to count so I call the FH upstairs kind of frantic. I explain to him why I'm freaking out and he says - We're calling the doctor.

So we come downstairs and I look up in the books and every one says 2 hours 10 kicks or more....well it's been about 80 minutes at that point with nothing. So I'm freaking out in my head. While the service is reaching our stand in doctor (ours is on vaca this week - so typical) my head goes where it shouldn't go and the "what if's" start to flow. Oh Lord I am a champion What If'er I can take you to world exterminiation in the inside of 3 What If's. The doctor said come on in to get monitored.

So we get in the car and the FH drives us to the hospital and that's where he has the thrill of running red lights...apparently this is every man's dream...not the situation but the ability to run lights and speed without any fear. But really the FH was just as afraid as I was and tears were in his eyes too because THIS is our little girl and she HAS to be alright HAS TO BE. The FH was a rock - he was calm and supportive and was not freaking out - and I was so right to need him. I don't know how I would have done it without him....and I am SO grateful I didn't have to try.

They hook us up to the monitors when we get there and the nurse Malorie is seriously the most amazing person ever and we will be picking out a special little something to send to her. The heart rate is low for Lexi- she's at about 120 which is on the low end of normal but much lower then her normal of 158. In my entire life I have never been so relieved, thrilled, excited to hear a heartbeat....I seriously felt years flying off of my life as I realized that she was okay. So they move me all around and around 12:50 she starts to move - the training session for the evening was just on a rain delay and the nurses got to see why no moving freaked me out when this kid usually is doing back flips and cartwheels.

We still had to wait around the hospital for an ultrasound and the FH went to fill out some paperwork while I was chilling - he came back upstairs and said he went to the emergency room and there was a Gun Shot Would which I found SO exciting and asked if there was lots of blood and he said "tons" and then 20 minutes later when I pressed for more details he looked at me like I had three eyes - apparently White Plains isn't quite so dangerous and his GSW was thick with sarcasm. LOL that got me to laugh for the first time that night. We finally got out of the hospital around 3 and back home around 3:30. Going back to the doctor on Thursday morning - all is fine and Thank god for that.

CopyCat

So many people did this today and I loved it. Go to Wordle.net to do your own. Here's mine:I love it. I really really love it.

You got a little something on your face

My boredom is probably well recognized at this point, yes? Today I made Jam and Pickles. No, I'm not kidding and Yes, you can call me Donna Reed.

Want to read about making JAM? You know you do. Go visit Chop.Stir.Mix and when you see me and if I have a little red something on my face you'll know it's this Jam and you'll give me a pass.

Terrificly Random Tuesday

• I'm not sleeping well and yet somehow I still dream for what seems like hours and hours. Last nights dream was SO hilarious (apply sarcasim like thick buttercream frosting on freshly baked cupcakes) I went to the doctor and the lady slide the scale to 250 and then it STAYED there and the nurse said: You've gained about 60 l-b-s's in the past week; do you know what this means? And I say sobbing that I shouldn't have made cupcakes and she says "No, you're other baby showed up" and then I go into a serious freak out because I am only ready for ONE baby not TWO babies and that's when my water breaks and I realize I'm screwed.
  
• After HOURS of hunting and 7 different stores yesterday I found Ball canning jars and today I will be making strawberry jam and pickles. Yes, it's come to this. Did you know that in Indiana the Ball canning people founded Ball State University and that there are mansions on the grounds of the university that are INCREDIBLE. One fourth of July I had the pleasure of spending the day at one of these places with my very oldest friend Dani. What a fantastic time that was. For those of you that know me this was before Vincent.
• Okay you've probably seen this video about Christian the Lion and being reunited with the people that raised him but can I just say that my pregnant self cried and cried and cried at this video because the lion remembered them and how loved they must have felt in that moment.
• Most passive aggressive use of the DVR ever took place last Thursday night. The only show that I'm actually amused by lately is My Boys on TBS and the FH stopped the recording of this show at the 10 minute point because he was "frustrated" to see the red light on the DVR box. This is where you do the Scooby Doo head shake because this my friends, not smart. He's still breathing because it wasn't a new episode.

The Great Wait of 08

Baby Lexi does not want to get out.
She's not in a "ready" position - I've made zero progress despite lots of effort. And she's healthy and happy and while I am not happy I too am healthy to continue so continue we will.

So the Great Wait of 08 continues. Thanks for your thoughts.

Torn

I'm going to the doctors at 9am this morning.
The option to induce will be presented.
I'm Torn between wanting her to decide when she's ready and me being done.
Depending on how you look at it she'd either be 6 days late or 4 days early.

I know that whatever I decide will have been the right decision.
I've never been a hugely religious person - spiritual, always...religious, not so much.
Could I be so bold as to ask you to send me good thoughts so that the right decision is the one that I end up making?

I'll keep you posted.

I simply can not do it.

I can not write another post about still being pregnant. I can't do it to you - it's too boring. So lets talk about favorite summer time memory.

I was going through the Flickr photostream and every time I see this photo I just can't help but smile. This little guy is clearly having the very best time of it. He is not thinking about a thing except the joy of his body flinging off of the very big slide and the feeling of the water as all those bubbles come up around him.



I think back to all of my childhood summer memories and I think about the days that Mark and I would ride our bikes from our house to Grandma Janice's house....I don't know how far it was but in our kid minds it was VERY far. The privilege to do this without an adult was a hard win and I remember the first time we started out just the two of us on this ride that we got over the bridge by the park and Mark and I looked at each other and admitted we were very scared to go by the dogs. But we did it and we must have made the bike trip hundreds of times. It was worth it every single time because my Gram had a pool and we'd get off of our bikes and race to jump into the pool that was the best. Gram also had a seemingly endless supply of Popsicles and we were always in the garden picking green beans and peas hot from the summer sun. We'd have jumping contests and races back and forth it was a great time.

What's your favorite childhood summer memory?